Hay días que se hacen cuesta arriba. Some days are a mountain to climb.
UPHILL
"Does the road wind up-hill all the way?
Yes, to the very end.
Will the day’s journey take the whole long day?
From morn to night, my friend. ”
By Christina Rossetti.
How are you, calabacitas?
I'm in the middle of making the final artwork for my next picture book. I love how it’s looking (check out the tag #DressingUpTheStars on Instagram) and I'm truly enjoying the work. At the same time, I'm feeling overwhelmed.
There is SO MUCH going on at work, at home and in the world.
Nothing extraordinary. Just life. A baby that doesn't sleep, housework, losing childcare unexpectedly, a mistake in a painting, California is on fire, anxiety around Texas’ abortion ban, the never ending pandemic, etc. (Okay, some of these things are slightly extraordinary.)
I find myself trying to rush to the end somehow. Can I be done already?
The other day I was talking with Becca Green and something stuck with me. Raise your hand if you frequently say "I'm so ready to be done with this project". I'm totally raising my hand. I say that even when I’m working on a dream project!
In the past I would have hunkered down and ignored the icky feelings. I would just kept going until I burnt out. Work hard, rest hard. But that is exhausting.
Then I learnt to wish it away. Positive thinking! Counting my blessings. Keeping a gratitude journal. And while those things are amazing and helpful (I love my gratitude journal), I’ve realized it's not quite enough...
When things feel heavy and the path is uphill, I know I have to STOP WALKING.
It’s hard to stop. I want to keep pushing, I want to get to the top: finish that book project, meet that deadline, cross that thing off my to-do list, control something uncontrollable.
But eventually, I pause. And I breathe.
I stay curious. I ask:
How am I helping create this reality?
Am I taking on someone else’s energy?
Why am I not allowing myself to feel joy?
What can I do that will bring me pleasure and ease?
What am I scared of?
When will I be ready to take the next step & where will it take me?
The answers don’t always make sense, but the asking ALWAYS helps.
So if you are feeling that resistance, the heaviness, the effort, the work… Know that I’m here with you.
Pause. Breathe. Stay curious. Ask.
It is a phase, it will pass.
The sketches are part of a conference talk where I explain how to use brain science to create the creative career you want. Children’s literature is whimsical and fun, but there are edges and uncomfortable feelings to deal with anyhow.
I leave you with this beautiful print by Meera Lee Patel that hangs over my desk. It's okay to stop and pause for a while. There is no hurry. We shall get there some day.
Also, check out Becca's post Hello From Inside The Art Cave. I think it complements this one nicely.
May you find courage to feel what it needs to be felt. Abrazos,
Diana.